Thursday, December 09, 2004
Luminous Love Advice
In these times of LOCK-OUTS and other strikeouts
in the dating scene, it is MY DUTY to supply the
poor, clueless as hapless hockey fans with ALL THAT
THEY MAY NEED to vent their frustration of being
"NHL STARVED" (a condition worthy not of worry and
concern but really of scorn and ridicule...!!!) on
their even moreso clueless DATES - brainless from
the very start for having even BOTHERED to give
the time of day to the likes of... B.H. - NYR -
Y2KKK1 - VEGAGAL and the other FH "looselosers"
GUYS - THIS IS FOR YOU!!! :)
Rules to leave by
You went out for a coffee and don't want to have another. Your second monster-truck date is going to be your last. How do you let them know? By Brent T.
Taken straight from... some dating site
(grrrrrrrrrrrrreat - isn't it? they make their cash by setting you up - and now they help you move on - to set you up again... ad infinitum! The perfect con, verily... eh? ).
Is a phone call required or will an email suffice? Do you have to do it face-to-face? Knowing how to end short-term relationships is often tougher than the actual decision to end them.
Here are some do's and don'ts to keep you on the right track.
Don't Disappear - Using your Harry Potter invisibility cloak to vanish is both lame and cowardly. You must tell them that you aren't interested in pursuing things. Cutting off all contact leaves them wondering what they could have done wrong. Imagine your feelings if someone never called you to say, "Thanks, but no thanks."
Do Be Honest - Okay, if it's their vestigial head that's creeping you out then you can gloss over it, but try to tell the truth as much as possible without being hurtful. If you've only dated a short time, the reason is likely just a lack of chemistry. Try saying something like, "I really don't feel like we had a connection together, but good luck with your search." It doesn't lay any blame, and they'll likely find your honesty refreshing.
Do Be Clear - Don't lead them on with mixed messages designed to spare their feelings. If you aren't clear ("I really like you, but I'm not ready to be with anyone right now"), they may choose to interpret your message with the hope of another date in the distant future.
Do Be Doo - Sorry. I couldn't resist.
Don't Wait - Get it over with as soon as you make your decision. Waiting only prolongs the inevitable and makes it harder to do, and this is one time in a relationship when harder isn't better.
Don't Choose Significant Days or Places - "Happy Birthday. My present is this box of 'Don't Ever Call Me Again'." Don't spoil birthdays, holidays, and places they love (like their favorite restaurant) with the bad taste of rejection.
Do It Virtually - If you've had an exclusively cyber- or tele-romance, it's perfectly acceptable to let them know that you'd prefer to fly solo using your most frequent means of communication, be it email, instant messaging, video, or telephone. The same holds true if you've only gone on a few dates, but in this case, you can obviously choose a face-to-face if it feels right to do so.
Do It In Person - As a guideline, after seven dates you owe someone a face-to-face talk. Use your judgment of course, as this number can be more or less depending upon the intensity and seriousness of the dates (spread out over a year versus a week, for instance).
Do Go Public - If you're breaking up in person, do it in a public place. It's safer, they're less likely to make a scene (wait until your food has been cleared from the table, just in case), and it's easer to go your separate ways afterwards. Give them a heads-up beforehand by saying something like, "I want to talk about our relationship." That way they don't come expecting a date and end up with a real letdown.
Don't Bring Backup (Most of the Time) - Do it on your own. Bringing your posse along only puts them on the defensive. If you have safety concerns, bring someone along, but have them hang out of site where the dumpee cannot see them.
Don't Back Down - Once you've made the decision, stick to it. If it's the right thing for you, don't let them talk you out of it.
The best advice for letting someone down gently is to remember the golden rule: put yourself in their underoos and think how you would like to be treated in the same situation. Act accordingly. It's hard to go wrong when you do.
EXCEPT THAT... some (like B.H. & E.V.) like to go wrong...
It turns them on...