Friday, July 01, 2005
canada day... eh?
Again, Canadians overall are pretty much stoic and storyless - so, one more time, I have to look towards the troublemaker province of Quebec for some juicy material... and there is a ton of it there too! *lol*
They LOOOOOVE their hockey - as I divulged here already - so much so that when their favorites don't win, they'll make them win on TV series that only they will enjoy, let alone watch...! The funny thing is, their Quebec Nordiques never won a Stanley Cup in real life - the fictional penchant(...) dubbed le National de Québec (sic) did... And then, when the Nordiques MOVED TO THE USA (because the NHL came to the realization that Quebec City simply could not support a major league club...) they immediately DID WIN THE CUP IN REAL LIFE... but as the Colorado Avalanche! To add insult to injury, when MLB moved the neighbour Montreal Expos to Washington, not only did the Expos cease to exist but, on top of that, they stole the old National name in rechristening the Ex-Expos the WASHINGTON NATIONALS...!!!
Who knows - maybe the Nationals will win the World Series now - they were the favorites to win it in 1994 if memory serves me right (and it always does) but did not... what happened? Hmm... let me see now... Oh, yes! There was a STRIKE! And no World Series at all! Boo-hoo. Old quarries of mine - on message boards - as recently as last January would laugh at my comparison of the Canadiens being robbed of a (potentially - for I disagreed on any chances at all they might have had) ''good year'' for them in 2004-2005 with the LOCK-OUT... and I compared that to the Expos, who still hailed from the same God-forsaken town in 1994, who had been screwed out of a very decent chance of a championship that year. Those so-called fans claimed not to give a damn about the Expos (game attendance reflected that, I concur... *lol*) yet they would most certainly be among the rioters and looters on St-Catherine Street (DON'T visit sometime...) HAD the Expos won anything at all that year! With fans like these, the Expos are indeed better off near the center of corruption in DC. *LOL*
If not their sports teams, what has Canada got to celebrate today? Their culture? After any lengthy exposure to Buffy Ste-Marie, Gordon Lightfoot and Anne Murray, one is ready to go to sleep for a decade! There is worse than that, of course: three quarters of the so-called talent that comes out of Québec (again) - AND the likes of Zappacosta and... Corey Hart!!! (No - he never surrendered... you gotta give him that... alas, his career, agent and fans all gave up on him.) :(
There are ALWAYS exceptions to the rule (Rush, Bryan Adams, Shania Twain and a few more have all exhibited a constance of excellence that is irrefutable) and those that I seemingly thrashed here did dish out unforgettable classics too... but canadiana is just non-existent! And, besides, I simply can't stand Sneering Sarah McLachlan anymore... *lol*
Canadian TV is also a non-existent entity - no one will watch local content in Canada! National (there's that word again - lol) networks such as Global will announce that they ''got it'' - in reference to both American content and that their audience is NOT interested in local entertainment at all - and that they know it and acknowledge it! Ninety per cent of their programming comes American networks... Great going Global! Cable subscribers can't steal cable but you sure can! *LOL*
What else is there... Canadian History? A comedy of errors closer to the exploits of Inspector Clouseau than the adventures of Marco Polo... Canadian Art? Is It Art? Canadian National Identity? They're schizophrenic from ocean to ocean! Frenglish or Engfrench (but not Spanglish - thank God!!!) and everything in-between those two extremes are ''spoken'' here... if the sound emanating from some true blue Canadians actually is 'speaking' at all...!!! Canadian Patriotism? As non-existent as the rest... I could go on... but who gives a damn in this country anymore? Nobody does, that's who... eh? ;) *lol*
Thursday, June 30, 2005
in these days of moving...
Poor justice 2003
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
wednesday weirdness version 7.0
Another slow week for weirdness & things... lest it really, truly is the sweltering heat that has me too weary to look for weirdness anymore...?!? In any case, here are still a few strange cases submitted for your... ah... incredulous non-approval - hopefully!
London Pubs turning into unhappy places... A Taiwan stock exchange was, basically, a typo...?!? Some ladies -oddly enough... Hindu women?- have taken to become rather special decoys / sources of distraction for the police; and all for the benefit of the wrong crowd too! Ganesh would not be pleased... Boy Scouts want to be like Sgt. Slaughter now - not like Smokey The Bear... A little (apparent) murder mystery worthy of an Hitchcock film; headline reads like North By Northwest, but the actual story has a little bit of Frenzy and Psycho in it as well... Saddam, the author - yes, no mistake; not Saldam Rushdie but Saddam Hussein! Maybe that is what made Tom Cruise go... mental? Or is that... medieval on the mentals?!? Hmm... how mean!
All the lurid details -
in the comments & cornucopia section! ;)
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
two for tuesdays ; two drastically different destinies
One - according to Priscilla herself - could have happened... and the other - not at all according to Padme Amidala though - might still happen...
All the (not-so, really) sordid details of these latest luminous riddles... in the comments section! Where charades are no more! *lol*
Monday, June 27, 2005
- Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
* Instead of an exposé on the effects of ultra-violet rays upon different components of our physicality, I shall simply say that the sun is capricious... And, thus, it must certainly be female too... *lol*
- Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
* They can't help themselves, oooing and ahhing in front of the mirror about their own apparent splendor...? Unless it is the opposite reaction...
- Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
* It is a well-known fact that psychics are not in it for the money... Come on! *lol* Seriously - and esoterically luminously as well - anyone with a true gift of empathy or "privileged" enough to have a spiritual guide (...) will be privy to basic knowledge of things that matter in the Grand Scheme of Things... Quite evidently, getting rich is so ephemereal and temporal, that it matters not at all and cannot be, therefore, any kind of priority for such a "true medium". Riches are not eternal. It will not last... And so, a true medium will not be told a future winning combination - for they simply were not given their "gift" so that they could foretell THAT sort of thing... That is, if you believe there are such things as "true mediums"... ;)
- Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
* It created its own purpose - and raison d'être! A model example for us all... verily! May we all do so well!
- Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
* Of course, just like lawyers, they know not what they do... An earlier example of people who knew not what they do: the fine folks / upstanding citizens that got a Nazarene to get crucified while he was really innocent... But, of course, it was meant to be, that time... :)
The lingering doubt remains when quacks and pettifoggers fail miserably and condemn the wrong folks - we always wonder if THAT could not and should not have turned out differently, if...
- Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?
* That would be the nerdy way to reference "the beginning... of the end"... hmm?
- Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid
made with real lemons?
* The average human nowadays values far more appearance than what is on THE INSIDE -even of their own bodies! They have to have their stuff squeaky clean - now! - only the best will do for that! Their appearance is, likewise, clean cut and beyond any conceivable reproach... And yet, their hearts are "filled with spiders, scorpions and serpents" and their souls, with "venomous unclean things"!
Not surprising, then, that they are content with ingesting a concoction that merely simulates good things - their entire approach to life is geared towards being that way...! Looks good on the outside, but really isn't on the inside...
It's "what it takes", they say, nowadays...
- Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
* Must originate from the original money managing crooks that handled everyone else's money - and routinely broke legs to enforce their policies... Their offshot hatchling, the loan shark, continue this tradition now - while brokers will simply ruin you with mismanaging the money that they convince YOU to lend to THEM in a completely "risk-free" transaction that they make you feel is a rare "opportunity"... You are set up though for the more than possible debacle to come by the mere name of their profession! Reverse psychology, but in the monetary world...
- Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
* A Viking came up with that one - vikings always come up with the opposite name for what they are trying to name (Greenland is covered with ice - Iceland is green on many, many spots...). And if it wasn't a Viking per say - it was a Canadian-born, Americanized Viking descent fool who coined it... Three times the confused one, he could only accomplish so much... eh? *LOL*
- Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
* Cats are finnicky - right? Unlike humans, they really do not like to play with their food... Try disturbing kitty when he's having his din-dins, you'll see how serious he takes it...!
- When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
* B!tches and S.O.B.s... It's a tough job, but somebody's got to do it - and, quite frankly, I cannot think of anyone more well-suited for it than those two types!
- Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
* Noah was commissioned to bring into a cleansed world (alas, only temporarily so...) all the matters of annoyances man simply had to and DESERVES to suffer... So, that would also be why everyone onboard the Ark had a wife...? *LOL* JUST JOKING!!! Okay? Honest...! ;)
- Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
* Old habits die hard? To think of all the old needles that junkies have used and thrown away that could be recycled that way - for usage upon felons getting their well-deserved death sentence carried out... Another explanation is, of course, as with the lemon juice in the dishwashing liquid, appearances are important for the scum of the earth...
- You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why
don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
* It would cost too much - lives are not worth the investment.
- Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
* Sheep were meant to wear that wool - not us.
- Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
* A Viking contractor... *lol*
- If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
* Indubitably... the truth is always there staring us in the face, eh? We have but to open wide to see it...! ;)
- If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
* Flying is NOT safe - it's a gamble. Look at what cheap material they make the planes out of, when they have so much better at their disposal...! *LOL* You get on the plane at your own risk each time you do... yup! You want to be 100% sure of safety during your flight? You find a way to shrink down to subatomic levels if necessary, so that you can fit into that indestructible black box! ;)
Sunday, June 26, 2005
the homolka watch
Thus, to hear of single moms and their like speaking in no uncertain terms of how they'd like to be the ones that "do her in" upon her release... and to hear that people have been placing bets on how long Karla Homolka will in fact LAST after her release (the general consensus is - no more than 6 months. Merry Christmas Karla - this year you will definitely be getting a gift you will NOT like...) - well, none of it is too overtly surprising one bit, really...!
To me, what is surprising is that Karla found some FEMALE legal representation (then again... naaaaah!). And, the single most surprising thing of all is that she is getting released at all - crimes of that order used to lead to only two options; lifetime imprisonment or the death sentence. Hey, even crappy Canada actually put to death a notorious female offender once - the matron who martyred to death the poor little girl named Aurore... but that was a while ago.
hmm... off-kilter logic there... could be dangerous
But really now - it takes not much at all for any two-bit numbskull out there to misread and misuse the "wisdom" behind this "Nature Quote of the Day" here -
"If the path be beautiful, let us not ask where it leads." - Anatole France (...).
I can see neophyte nilly willy boyscouts voluntarily get lost in the woods now, because, "hey - the path was beautiful...!". The message seems to be to let oneself go with mere appearances... and those are almost always deceiving! In this day and age especially, one cannot be so easily duped (an easy example is... a guy walks in downtown Montreal and sees this beauteous vestal virgin-like blonde, hounded by mean old haggard-looking old bags and other assorted hecklers... He could be tempted to play the hero and save her... take her some place safe where he can collect the fruits / rewards of his heroic deed... and then he finds out that... oops, it's Karla Homolka! *lol* (I hope you saw that one coming... really, if you did not... sheesh! Wake up!!!).
Anyway... Anatoles don't seem an all-too - ah - practical lot... do they?
I still remember the role of a lifetime for one Quebec-born "comedian" (they don't have actors up there - they have comedians... fitting because their causes and, as I succintly recapped recently, history are total utter and complete jokes - but I digress...) - the illustrious Gaston Lepage. Gaston's most famous role, arguably, would be his breakthrough role - that of Anatole Brilliant, in the short-lived made in Quebec (a symbol of un-excellence) "Les Brilliants" (think The Munsters without any make up, Universal Monster references, budget or pizazz really...). His schtick was that he wasn't all there, and neither was most of his family... (in retrospect, they really owed a whole lot more to Green Acres than any other show really... but, again, with less of every key ingredient...!).
All this to say... if my theory is correct... a first name tells a lot - many women wait to see their newborns to actually make the decision; "oh... I recant that - he doesn't look like an Alec - more like a Sean!". First names determine a little or a lot of what we are (look at me, Luciano! *lol*) - and so, all Anatoles seem to be plagued with ill-advised thought patterns... And don't get me started now on Georges... Larrys... Pauls!!! *LOL* Yes... I got all that from a single moment of disagreement with the basic philosophy behind that Anatole France quote! Sometimes I astound even myself... *lol*