Monday, June 27, 2005
- Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
* Instead of an exposé on the effects of ultra-violet rays upon different components of our physicality, I shall simply say that the sun is capricious... And, thus, it must certainly be female too... *lol*
- Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
* They can't help themselves, oooing and ahhing in front of the mirror about their own apparent splendor...? Unless it is the opposite reaction...
- Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
* It is a well-known fact that psychics are not in it for the money... Come on! *lol* Seriously - and esoterically luminously as well - anyone with a true gift of empathy or "privileged" enough to have a spiritual guide (...) will be privy to basic knowledge of things that matter in the Grand Scheme of Things... Quite evidently, getting rich is so ephemereal and temporal, that it matters not at all and cannot be, therefore, any kind of priority for such a "true medium". Riches are not eternal. It will not last... And so, a true medium will not be told a future winning combination - for they simply were not given their "gift" so that they could foretell THAT sort of thing... That is, if you believe there are such things as "true mediums"... ;)
- Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
* It created its own purpose - and raison d'être! A model example for us all... verily! May we all do so well!
- Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
* Of course, just like lawyers, they know not what they do... An earlier example of people who knew not what they do: the fine folks / upstanding citizens that got a Nazarene to get crucified while he was really innocent... But, of course, it was meant to be, that time... :)
The lingering doubt remains when quacks and pettifoggers fail miserably and condemn the wrong folks - we always wonder if THAT could not and should not have turned out differently, if...
- Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?
* That would be the nerdy way to reference "the beginning... of the end"... hmm?
- Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid
made with real lemons?
* The average human nowadays values far more appearance than what is on THE INSIDE -even of their own bodies! They have to have their stuff squeaky clean - now! - only the best will do for that! Their appearance is, likewise, clean cut and beyond any conceivable reproach... And yet, their hearts are "filled with spiders, scorpions and serpents" and their souls, with "venomous unclean things"!
Not surprising, then, that they are content with ingesting a concoction that merely simulates good things - their entire approach to life is geared towards being that way...! Looks good on the outside, but really isn't on the inside...
It's "what it takes", they say, nowadays...
- Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
* Must originate from the original money managing crooks that handled everyone else's money - and routinely broke legs to enforce their policies... Their offshot hatchling, the loan shark, continue this tradition now - while brokers will simply ruin you with mismanaging the money that they convince YOU to lend to THEM in a completely "risk-free" transaction that they make you feel is a rare "opportunity"... You are set up though for the more than possible debacle to come by the mere name of their profession! Reverse psychology, but in the monetary world...
- Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
* A Viking came up with that one - vikings always come up with the opposite name for what they are trying to name (Greenland is covered with ice - Iceland is green on many, many spots...). And if it wasn't a Viking per say - it was a Canadian-born, Americanized Viking descent fool who coined it... Three times the confused one, he could only accomplish so much... eh? *LOL*
- Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
* Cats are finnicky - right? Unlike humans, they really do not like to play with their food... Try disturbing kitty when he's having his din-dins, you'll see how serious he takes it...!
- When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
* B!tches and S.O.B.s... It's a tough job, but somebody's got to do it - and, quite frankly, I cannot think of anyone more well-suited for it than those two types!
- Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
* Noah was commissioned to bring into a cleansed world (alas, only temporarily so...) all the matters of annoyances man simply had to and DESERVES to suffer... So, that would also be why everyone onboard the Ark had a wife...? *LOL* JUST JOKING!!! Okay? Honest...! ;)
- Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
* Old habits die hard? To think of all the old needles that junkies have used and thrown away that could be recycled that way - for usage upon felons getting their well-deserved death sentence carried out... Another explanation is, of course, as with the lemon juice in the dishwashing liquid, appearances are important for the scum of the earth...
- You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why
don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
* It would cost too much - lives are not worth the investment.
- Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
* Sheep were meant to wear that wool - not us.
- Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
* A Viking contractor... *lol*
- If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
* Indubitably... the truth is always there staring us in the face, eh? We have but to open wide to see it...! ;)
- If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
* Flying is NOT safe - it's a gamble. Look at what cheap material they make the planes out of, when they have so much better at their disposal...! *LOL* You get on the plane at your own risk each time you do... yup! You want to be 100% sure of safety during your flight? You find a way to shrink down to subatomic levels if necessary, so that you can fit into that indestructible black box! ;)
Caedwyn D of parts unknown provides her own answer to the following question (being an expert in the matter)...
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
"Because holding your mouth open helps keep your eye open and helps keep you from blinking when you're putting mascara on."
Wow... Estée Lauder has nothing on you, Caedwyn!
I enjoyed reading those!! Thanks so much for posting that today!
It made me laugh! :)