Tuesday, October 11, 2005
on conjugal bliss... today, of all days...
God Made Man For Woman - and vice-versa. Seems simple enough. Then why is it so complicated? (Warning: Church Lady bit coming up...) Could it be the devil rearing its unsightly hide into the picture again - ruining it for the match made... in paradise? After all, "It" sure did involve itself heavily into that first match made in the Garden of Eden, lo, long ago...Couple is a c word (not an L word; not a G or Q word either...) - other "c words" include committment, compromise, connection, communication... hmm, and craziness! In other words, it is a juggling act.
Today is National Coming Out Day in the US - for some reason - oddly enough coinciding with... Columbus Day (?). Beyond seeing some wacko revisionist historian trying to "out" the queer (in the original sense of the word) so-called discoverer of the Americas (even though tons of people had discovered it before him) - I personally see no connection between the two "holidays" (term very loosely applied here). I will take the opportunity though to reaffirm myself -not so much come out- as a heterosexual holy man wannabe!
Despite the fact that so-called reverends have been known to preach - and take a spouse... I have not, sometimes to my dismay... other times I simply wonder why. The Billy Grahams and Benny Hinns of this world must be freer than I am I guess...
Personally, I cannot want anyone it seems - everytime I come close to spending my life with a woman who -somehow- fancies me... something happens that ruins it. I have seen this pattern develop all throughout my adult years... and, quite frankly, I see the Hand of God in this - He Wants me to be dedicated only to Him... I really think I should have been a man of the cloth of some kind - and I disappointed God in not becoming so. If I disappointed GOD HIMSELF... it is no wonder I disappointed so many ladies too over the years. Not quite sure how it happened though; especially the last time it did, since I was totally and fully willing to commit and in fact, for all intents and purposes, was already. I can only hope that no one cried too much over me.
Please - anyone who wants to pat me on the shoulder and say "now, now - don't be sad" - do so via e-mail; and respect my decision to keep TLB as impersonal (and as non-diary-like) as it can be. Verily, this post is as close as I will ever get to turn this outlet for my "wordsmithing" into a "diary"... Heaven preserve me from THAT...
