Sunday, November 20, 2005
"Evil-wishers are always around..."
... to spread rumors." Yeah... okay... so?
Upon opening up my email, I thought to myself that, surely, that tiny bit of infinite wisdom (in a convenient small dosage, easier to swallow and all) was but a prologue to a lengthy lecture rife with philosophical precepts meant to enlighten and broaden one's horizons... hmm?
Well... not exactly.
Because that catchy line was merely the brilliant preamble to... something that has no tangible continuity or link to it, actually...!
For the very next line is "All products for your health!" - one can smell a rat right away here - and not a small one at all either! Quite the sizeable mercantile rodent, in fact - as this is not meant to sell just one miracle pill, but obviously many! Look at the very next line after that... and learn how to sell YOUR crap as well!
"Tortured with health problems? You're one click away from healthy life!"
WOW... what an e-mail, hmm?
How dare my e-mail providers redirect these wonderfully crafted missives straight into my "bulk mail" (sometimes unsightly refered to as "junk mail" - yikes! The nerve of my condescending providers... eh?).
The spectacular sales-pitch continues with the very next line...
"An amazing variety of licensed meds at one big store! Click the link and make your first step to constant relief!"
Relief? Finally - we will find TRUE RELIEF? HOLY MOLEY! We have found some great treasure here - and IT has come straight to US too! The nirvana of narcotics (and other barbiturates) beckons! ALELUIA! We are not worthy! But, surely, our credit cards are...!
Think about it - they have promised us CONSTANT RELIEF - they will certainly deliver on those promises; otherwise they would not have promised it - right?!?
And this is SAFE RELIEF - for sure! The FDA would not allow this to happen if it wasn't 100% safe to the public - we know how much the FDA LOVES THE PUBLIC! And the public LOVES the FDA! It is, verily, the greatest love story of all... eh?
Thus, relief is here - and it is so safe there will not be any unexpected but quite foreseeable bad turns towards unsafety... such as when that deeply affected lady went to get her prescription meds in the safe confines of a Wal-Mart down south... but then, she decided to stick around Wal-Mart and shop a bit... alas, she did not wind up in any other department than the GUN RACK. Hence, she left Wal-Mart with a bag of Doritos... her medication... and a brand new gun! She left the Doritos untouched... she also did not touch her medication, unfortunately... she decided instead to pull the trigger on herself. Hurray for one-stop shopping... hmm? (N.B.: I blogged about this many months ago - right here on TLB.)
No such worries to be had here - as THIS meds shop is 100% safe - THEY sell NO guns!
Typo alert though - in their eagerness to sell out and to entice us to buy, they take liberties with the English language... as when they offer us "VERY SPECIAL PRI$ES"!
More suspicious of all though is the bit that follows, when they "guarantee great effect by official BBB verification and VISA approval"... ?!? What has VISA approval got to do with the supposed "great effect" these drugs might have or might not have on us...?!? Anyway... THAT is ANOTHER story...
Onwards to the menu!
Men's health is solidly taken care of here (lest it is endangered... because of simple urges and other trivial pursuits really? Hmm... the debate rages on ON THAT...) - with "V1agra Soft Tabs", "V1agra Professional" (for... the professional man in your life...), "C1al1s", "C1al1s Soft Tabs", "Generic V1agra" (for the generic man in your life) and... "Lev1tra" (which comes with levitation claims... but those are unfounded... surely...).
For general health, however, all they offer is... Human Growth Hormones. Better than nothing, eh?
Hangover Pills are always a must for any First Care package - furnish it with (and stock up for the holidays on) 100% Pure Okinawan Coral Calcium; All-Natural Magnesium Oxide; Soothenol; and Quick-Detox especially! Women's health offers the most creatively-named products with Nymphomax... Suregasm... Quick Bust and... science to the rescue with Pheromone perfume for women! For weight loss they have Meridia, Premium Diet Patch, Liposafe and Lipothin. The Anti-depressants menu includes such brand names as Xanax, the classic Valium, the ever-popular Prozac, the equally proficient Paxil, and the strong as perennial fourth place finisher Zoloft. Next we have... antibiotics such as Amoxicillin, Tetracyline, Keflex, Cipro and Zithromax, which round up the tantalizing offerings... (What - no Nitro? That is disappointing... Hmm... maybe WCW could be relaunched though... no longer with Nitro but with... Cipro as its main sponsor! "WCW MONDAY NIGHT CIPRO" - has an air to it, you must admit! Unless "Monday Night ZithroMax" would be even better...? Hmm... why not go with BOTH! In these days of epidemics, pandemics and assorted potential bacteriological weaponry out there... one can never have too many antibiotics in one's house! And since Dubya is not keen on providing every American with his fair share of vaccine... the average American will have to hope that a half-hazardly concocted cocktail of aspirin, acetaminophen, over-the-counter meds and cranberry juice will allow him to SURVIVE a possible pandemic! Add all the antibiotics you want to that mix now - why don't you! Nothing to lose - at this point...! Flintstones vitamins have your survival more at heart than Dubya does... Dubya and some so-called friends BOTH... but, once again, THAT is COMPLETELY, TOTALLY and SYSTEMATICALLY... another story!
Yes... I have spam...
And yes... I am feeling exceptionally sarcastic this Sunday!
Upon opening up my email, I thought to myself that, surely, that tiny bit of infinite wisdom (in a convenient small dosage, easier to swallow and all) was but a prologue to a lengthy lecture rife with philosophical precepts meant to enlighten and broaden one's horizons... hmm?
Well... not exactly.
Because that catchy line was merely the brilliant preamble to... something that has no tangible continuity or link to it, actually...!
For the very next line is "All products for your health!" - one can smell a rat right away here - and not a small one at all either! Quite the sizeable mercantile rodent, in fact - as this is not meant to sell just one miracle pill, but obviously many! Look at the very next line after that... and learn how to sell YOUR crap as well!
"Tortured with health problems? You're one click away from healthy life!"
WOW... what an e-mail, hmm?
How dare my e-mail providers redirect these wonderfully crafted missives straight into my "bulk mail" (sometimes unsightly refered to as "junk mail" - yikes! The nerve of my condescending providers... eh?).
The spectacular sales-pitch continues with the very next line...
"An amazing variety of licensed meds at one big store! Click the link and make your first step to constant relief!"
Relief? Finally - we will find TRUE RELIEF? HOLY MOLEY! We have found some great treasure here - and IT has come straight to US too! The nirvana of narcotics (and other barbiturates) beckons! ALELUIA! We are not worthy! But, surely, our credit cards are...!
Think about it - they have promised us CONSTANT RELIEF - they will certainly deliver on those promises; otherwise they would not have promised it - right?!?
And this is SAFE RELIEF - for sure! The FDA would not allow this to happen if it wasn't 100% safe to the public - we know how much the FDA LOVES THE PUBLIC! And the public LOVES the FDA! It is, verily, the greatest love story of all... eh?
Thus, relief is here - and it is so safe there will not be any unexpected but quite foreseeable bad turns towards unsafety... such as when that deeply affected lady went to get her prescription meds in the safe confines of a Wal-Mart down south... but then, she decided to stick around Wal-Mart and shop a bit... alas, she did not wind up in any other department than the GUN RACK. Hence, she left Wal-Mart with a bag of Doritos... her medication... and a brand new gun! She left the Doritos untouched... she also did not touch her medication, unfortunately... she decided instead to pull the trigger on herself. Hurray for one-stop shopping... hmm? (N.B.: I blogged about this many months ago - right here on TLB.)
No such worries to be had here - as THIS meds shop is 100% safe - THEY sell NO guns!
Typo alert though - in their eagerness to sell out and to entice us to buy, they take liberties with the English language... as when they offer us "VERY SPECIAL PRI$ES"!
More suspicious of all though is the bit that follows, when they "guarantee great effect by official BBB verification and VISA approval"... ?!? What has VISA approval got to do with the supposed "great effect" these drugs might have or might not have on us...?!? Anyway... THAT is ANOTHER story...
Onwards to the menu!
Men's health is solidly taken care of here (lest it is endangered... because of simple urges and other trivial pursuits really? Hmm... the debate rages on ON THAT...) - with "V1agra Soft Tabs", "V1agra Professional" (for... the professional man in your life...), "C1al1s", "C1al1s Soft Tabs", "Generic V1agra" (for the generic man in your life) and... "Lev1tra" (which comes with levitation claims... but those are unfounded... surely...).
For general health, however, all they offer is... Human Growth Hormones. Better than nothing, eh?
Hangover Pills are always a must for any First Care package - furnish it with (and stock up for the holidays on) 100% Pure Okinawan Coral Calcium; All-Natural Magnesium Oxide; Soothenol; and Quick-Detox especially! Women's health offers the most creatively-named products with Nymphomax... Suregasm... Quick Bust and... science to the rescue with Pheromone perfume for women! For weight loss they have Meridia, Premium Diet Patch, Liposafe and Lipothin. The Anti-depressants menu includes such brand names as Xanax, the classic Valium, the ever-popular Prozac, the equally proficient Paxil, and the strong as perennial fourth place finisher Zoloft. Next we have... antibiotics such as Amoxicillin, Tetracyline, Keflex, Cipro and Zithromax, which round up the tantalizing offerings... (What - no Nitro? That is disappointing... Hmm... maybe WCW could be relaunched though... no longer with Nitro but with... Cipro as its main sponsor! "WCW MONDAY NIGHT CIPRO" - has an air to it, you must admit! Unless "Monday Night ZithroMax" would be even better...? Hmm... why not go with BOTH! In these days of epidemics, pandemics and assorted potential bacteriological weaponry out there... one can never have too many antibiotics in one's house! And since Dubya is not keen on providing every American with his fair share of vaccine... the average American will have to hope that a half-hazardly concocted cocktail of aspirin, acetaminophen, over-the-counter meds and cranberry juice will allow him to SURVIVE a possible pandemic! Add all the antibiotics you want to that mix now - why don't you! Nothing to lose - at this point...! Flintstones vitamins have your survival more at heart than Dubya does... Dubya and some so-called friends BOTH... but, once again, THAT is COMPLETELY, TOTALLY and SYSTEMATICALLY... another story!
Yes... I have spam...
And yes... I am feeling exceptionally sarcastic this Sunday!
Comments:
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Now I wonder if all of these celebrated brand-names will gang up on me and TLB - and sue the boxers off of me or something?!?
*lol*
*lol*
I really hate spam! The lengths people will go to scam others into buying their products that are not worth a pile of horse manure!
At least a pile of horse manure will fertalize and make things grow!
Those products probably don't do anything good and only end up causing harm.
Thank God For Spamblocker!! I don't get all that stuff in my inbox. I just check my junk mail every now and then to see if there is anything that wasn't supposed to be junk.
I feel sorry for those people who do fall for those scams hook line and sinker!
God Bless You (\ô/) Luce!
((HUGE HUGS))
Countess
At least a pile of horse manure will fertalize and make things grow!
Those products probably don't do anything good and only end up causing harm.
Thank God For Spamblocker!! I don't get all that stuff in my inbox. I just check my junk mail every now and then to see if there is anything that wasn't supposed to be junk.
I feel sorry for those people who do fall for those scams hook line and sinker!
God Bless You (\ô/) Luce!
((HUGE HUGS))
Countess
What ever happened to truth in avertizing? I supose that these unsolicited drug adds don't fall under that law.The worst part of these, is that many seniors desperate to lower their drug bills will grasp at anything that even hints at being cheeper than the neighborhood chemist (pharmicist)or wal-mart!
I have two spam blockers, and still I receive these solisitations!
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I have two spam blockers, and still I receive these solisitations!
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