Forget About That Corny Corner-Ribbon's Drivel! The Real Secret is HERE Indeed - not over there!

Monday, July 24, 2006

Hey - Al Gore wants to make sure that you do see his film!

Next, he'll take on the Albino Assassin, The Omen, Clerks too, Pirates too, the Little Man, You, Me, Dupree, Edmond, Adam Sandler (whatever it takes to stop him from making any more movies), The Devil himself (but only when IT's wearing prada...), Strangers with candy (...), the Groomsmen, the Puffy Chair, Wassup Rockers (...), Mini (...), A Scanner Darkly (?!?), some guy's EX Super Girlfriend, "Waist Deep" (not the ex-girlfriend at all), those Miami Vice clones and even the returning Superman - but only if he absolutely has to! Al is - after all - a patriotic guy and dumping on Soupesy would be like unto stomping all over the American flag or something! (That is how abysmally two-dimensional this "americana" thing has been getting since, oh... 1939?)
Look for all these take-no-quarters fights (because it's at least eight bucks to get in now) in theaters now!

Funny though - Al seems unwilling to tackle head on the real competition for his Inconvenient Truth documentary; the equally eye-opening "WHO KILLED THE ELECTRIC CAR?" (a documentary that investigates the birth and death of the electric car, as well as the role of renewable energy and sustainable living in the future) or "THE ROAD TO GUANTANAMO" (part drama, part documentary, the film focuses on the "Tipton Three", a trio of British Muslims who were held in Guantanamo Bay for two years until they were released without charge)
Heck, or even "LEONARD COHEN: I'm Your Man" (a documentary on the legendary singer-songwriter, with performances by those musicians he has influenced)
Personally, I always wondered who decided that everything Cohen put to paper was gold so that he had to, at an early age to, preserve every last scribbled note he could, even if it was on toilet paper... But I understand that Al would not even address "the Leonard flick" - out in theatres as his currently is too. Al wants to be the man - and Leonard seems to be saying he is, so...

Last category of films I see are not surprisingly ignored by Al and company; for if he sheds some light on An Inconvenient Truth in his film, the Oliver Stone movie on 9/11 for starters (which illustrates most brilliantly that, whatever happens to you, no matter how bad it may be, there's always a light at the end of the tunnel; either it is the afterlife or a chance to sell the rights to your story so that Ollie makes a movie out of it!) and "THE GREAT NEW WONDERFUL" (a sketch film which weaves five stories against the backdrop of an anxious and uncertain post-9-11 New York City) unveil very inconvenient tales too... and re-open a can of worms no one wanted re-opened in the process!

Whoo-eeeeee! Sketch films are making a comeback - of sorts. ;)

Paul remarks (arrrrrgghhhhh - him again) but once more exclusively via e-mails (get a blog, paulie boy!):

"Gore should have no propblems at all with a scanner darkly... or lightly. Everybody knows Al Gore invented the internet! He ain't afraid of no itty bitty scanner!!!!!!!!!"

He will not take A Scanner Darkly lightly you mean! ;)

He might even beat up the whole cast of A Scanner Darkly all by himself (with a little help from a few good bodyguards, that is!)

But I'm still not sure about the net claims there...

We know who you voted for then, eh - Paul?

Too bad you weren't in Florida that year!

A few releases right up Al Gore's alley - THE NIGHT LISTENER (let's see Al get it on with THAT!) ... ZOOM (...) and ACCEPTED (about a boy who was rejected from all colleges who makes up a fictitious one so that he can flaunt that he was finally... the title character here, in effect! Now that is surely something that would not have been beneath Al Gore IF he had not been let into... Harvard, is it? He chose to be less original and do it the old-fashioned way - by buying his way into there, maybe?!? Pure speculation - don't sue me, Al! Pleeease!)

Nah... Al won't sue me! He has his hands full this summer! Getting quite a workout in the process - one that was sorely needed too!

We're all getting quite a workout this summer; everytime we step outside, it feels like we're in a sauna out there!!!
Sheesh - enough already, "Mother Earth"! What kind of mother are ya?!?

Oh - the kind that has had ENOUGH of the wayward runts...

Hmm... A Scanner Darkly... and there's this "Pulse" thing coming out too!

The first one has Keanu Reeves in it - the second one a whole cast of nobodies! Then again, Keanu used to be a nobody too, circa Bill & Ted's two forays into time travel and then the afterlife... But I digress!

Keanu is reduced to doing things others do at their "entry level" try into theatrical release material... Not a good sign.

And, once again, Hollywood has two similar films coming out at the same time on a summer schedule... Not a good sign either!
All the times they've done this in the past - and all the failures it has incurred - has not taught Hollywood moguls a thing it appears... Too bad.

I say Al Gore will rather tackle "Pulse" kids than take on Keanu...

(Gee - does Hollywood even know that "Pulse" is the lame-o title of a news broadcast in Canada? On the Montreal TV station CFCF-12 - associated with the CTV network!)
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