Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Isn't it amazing, still? Here I am at it again - updating the luminous blog for what seems to be the umpteenth time - and I was half-certain that I never would again! Which would have made yesterday's post my last ever - which would have not been a fitting end to this endeavour at all! I might just as well live a little while longer still...!
Today, I envisioned nothing less than a sudden and overly dramatic departure from this world; bang - heart attack! Or, as a mediocre stand-up comic from Quebec used to say, "une crise cadillac"! No, I wouldn't be driving when that would occur; I'd be running! Supposedly, I was to be walking or treading along, for this was going to happen while I was on a... treadmill, yes! A so-called friend told me, just recently, what the technical term for that machine was, but in French... trépigneuse? Hmm... as another wanna-be "humorist" from Quebec used to say, "hé, qu'il y en a qui ont le don de se compliquer la vie"! The fact is, "tapis roulant" translates pretty damn accurately the term "treadmill" as it is - to search for more erudite a term for it is like unto... treading water? ;)
But I digress...
Aye, today was to be THE END for little luminous me! I am not the nuttier sports nut nor health nut there is, see? Hence, when I was asked to do an endurance test on a treadmill, to monitor my heart and blood pressure under stress and extreme effort, I figured I had a 50/50 chance of being a goner right there! Medical studies give a certain uncomfortable percentage of "higher risk" of a heart attack to those chaps like me who make sudden great efforts, see? The deck seemed to be stacked against me -it usually is- and so I faced the prospect with... glee actually! Prepared my Living Will (most of you are getting absolutely NOTHING! *LOL*) in the days leading to the "big test" - phoned here and there, not saying goodbye but not promising any other calls either - "got all my things in order", as they say... For I figured a long time ago that if I was either to have a heart attack, stoppage, or to have a near-death experience of any kind, I would not come back from it... Only because I would not WANT TO come back! So much to explore, "on the other side", you know... Why bother with familiar territory again once you've accessed bigger and better - eh?
But that is another story...
Obviously, my plans for "the big trip" were foiled... by my own endurance! I know many have made the mistake of under-estimate me... But I never thought I'd make that mistake myself! No, wait... I did do this already, waaaaaaaaaaay back when I was a pre-schooler or something. There was a little "potato sack race" thingie going on - I was persuaded to participate at the last minute, by a bunch of meddling adults who should have minded their own business! Anyhow, I got both feet into the sack mumbling something to the effect that I was convinced that I had no chance at all to win this event, so, "why bother with it?" - but it was too late, I had both feet in it now! Immediately, the start signal was given, and I found myself enflamed with a competitive spirit I knew not I had! Either that, or it was that famous "Pimentel Pride" that runs in my family... Anyhow, within seconds really, I had won the event. I'll never forget the look on the faces of those "meddling adults" - most were stunned that I left their precious offspring in my dust - ONE was congratulatory! Not surprisingly, that one person was a childless woman and I will always remember her words to me then: "see? You always can do it, when you try to!"
Yup - that was yet another story... Factual, all true, not fictional at all, but not at all what I was going to type about in here today either!
Today, I beat the treadmill! Against all odds, my effort was more than adequate and, much to my own surprise, I wasn't even all that dizzy at the end of it; much less about to pass out or to have a heart attack! In fact, the doc (and you all know I loooooooooove docs...) told me such encouraging things afterwards, looking over my test results... Wow - that is a MIRACLE in itself; a doctor with ENCOURAGEMENT to dispense! But I'll give to Caesar what goes to Caesar (yeah - another expression from Quebec, that I adapted this time... sort of) and these were indeed the doc's words; "excellent performance! If you were an athlete, actually training, you'd have results that would make you DANGEROUS!"
Wow - miracles in rapid succession here! I am so good already, as a "desk tater" (as opposed to a couch potato) that, if I trained a little, I'd effectively morph into a lethal weapon! Well, I did reach level four and I was still only walking and not running just to avoid skipping off the treadmill! Shortness of breath was not a factor either, as I carried through on a conversation while I kept up the frantic pace! (It was regarding the treadmill itself; I remarked that the name on it could either the company that built the thing or the town it came from. For the name inscribed upon the thing was "Marquette" - hardly a great name, but one that is hard to forget, you will admit! Quebec stand-up comedians would have a grand ol' time making fun of a town with a name like that... Shades of la rue Sanguinette... Yeah - that is yet another story, for another time...)
And so, death has not come for me. I am too fit and too legit to quit! My endurance is right up there with anyone else's - and I have some "danger man" streak in me too (always knew that). *LOL* Makes me want to join a Gold's Gym! Or sign up for a triathlon... Iron man - that's me to a "T"! :)
What is most definitely not me is the part of CRÉON in the Sophocle classic ANTIGONE. I was recently likened to that role and formally cast in the role by an amateurish would-be theatre... Most likely because, like the part in question, I am prone to be, at times, a melancholic, death-wishing (but also death-defying) authority figure... Nah! Those who think that have not seen another side of me, and thus know me very little and not well at all! I am no Créon (Crayon? Crayola? *LOL*) - I am Amagemnon! Or Ulysses! Get it - antagonistic Antigone? ;)
À bon entendeur, salut! (E Não saluté...!)
Look at the facts:
I'm stuck with a hereditary background that probably has already numbered my days.
I have enemies - more than anyone can imagine.
I am breathing polluted air, inside and outside and everywhere I go really...
I am consuming genetically-modified foods and other products crammed with artificial preservatives...
And this is, I'm afraid, only the tip of the iceberg...
Now really - I simply cannot stop with the gloom and doom!
No freaking way.