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Saturday, September 23, 2006

The Luminous Adventures of Luminous Man, Voluminous Lad & Voluptuous Woman - Trifecta!

In this week's episode, our terrific trio faces the unspeakable dangers and unnameable atrocities of riveting plotting, misbegotten cutting and ignominious typecasting... at the movies! :)
Enjoy!
Or try to!
(Hey, at least it won't cost you ten bucks!)

Nightfall in the Luminous Household...
And all three heroes are bored out of their skull!
When Voluptuous Woman's true super power kicks in - the uncanny ability to summon and command all around her to spend their money left and right as if there were no tomorrow - she is the one who comes up with the luminous solution to their dire predicament with these prophetic words:
"Hey, boys - let's go out tonight! We could see a movie at the new multiplex, the GARGANTUOUS!"

Immediately, Voluminous Lad seconded that motion most enthusiastically - not so much as a faithful sidekick but truly as another one amongst millions and millions of mindless moviegoers! Faced with this sad state of affairs, even Luminous Man could not come up with arguments to deny the motion - and so, he agreed!

After a life-threatening ride in the Luminousmobile and an even more life-threatening quest for a parking spot, the terrific trio arrived at the Gargantuous, that most unholy ground of all... The loathsome place was already packed full of despicable brats and their adult equivalents... The choice of movies "now showing" was abysmal... The prices were absurdly exaggerated ("5.99 for 2 liters of soda?!?" lamented Luminous Man, before adding "I don't even want to drink two liters of that stuff! 19 ounces would be far too much already of that foul concoction...!" - to no avail though) and the stench in the air reeked of urban grime and all that jazz... Yes, without a shadow of a doubt indeed, they were at the "right" place at the wrongest of times all right... Indubitably! :-(

- "Why couldn't we have waited for all of this crap on celluloid to be released on crappy DVDs, tell me, Voluptuous Woman?!?" barked Luminous Man, decidedly crankier by the minute...

- "Hmm... Because, dear sweet Luminous Man, we are not out of thy Luminous Headquarters to see any movie really... We are just out of thy Luminous Headquarters... ah... TO BE OUT OF THY LUMINOUS HEADQUARTERS!!!" she replied, with bite.

- "Whoa - what got into you now, Voluptuous Woman?" inquired promptly Luminous Man, half-concernedly... "Could it be that this hinting at my person being too... ah... cooped up in the ol' H.Q. really, truly, verily came from the nefarious influence of this Gargantuous entity we find ourselves inside of at the present time... Hmm?!?"

- "Oh - please!" snapped back Voluptuous Woman immediately. "You are not going to do your modern-day Don Quixote now - you KNOW that Voluminous Lad is a very poor Sancho Panza...!" she commented further, very clearly with a sarcastic agenda...

-"Just be happy, my dear, that you are not the windmill!" retorted Luminous Man, fighting off sarcastic fire with sarcastic fire! After which he walked over to the very epicenter of the multiplex and called out the adversary he had surmised the malinger existence and influence of a mere moment prior...! "Gargantuous! If you are as GREAT as you think you are - you will reveal yourself now and face me!" said Luminous Man, half-jokingly, the other half trying to look the part of an improvised, self-appointed, spontaneous exorcist of sorts...!

To our hero's jaw-dropping surprise though, the entire multiplex seemed to growl its discontent then, in a loud guttural and ghastly sound that seemed to emanate from the very depths of Gehenna - lest it was just Tinseltown! Luminous Man, to his own luminous dismay, braced himself for the worst... It came in the shape of a section of the roof that creaked, dislodged itself and collapsed a mere few feet away from him! The raucous crowds dispersed quickly then, amidst cries and shrieks of "the Gargantuous is falling apart!" and "the roof... the roof... the roof is on fire!!!"

When all the smoke cleared though - the stench of cheap pop corn never did clear the air, alas - Luminous Man stood there waiting for more to happen - but nothing did! Engineers on the scene were only able to assess that some flaw of construction had occasionated this mere "incident" - no one had been crushed to death so, their architectural plans would not be blamed, oh no!

For a short while though, both Luminous Man and Voluptuous Woman had feared that someone might have gotten crushed, somehow - and that it might have been Voluminous Lad himself! But the amount of rubble there would have had to be at least ten times as huge a pile up in order to completely conceal the shape and form of our Lad...! No, in fact, V-Lad had just crapped his pants during the ordeal, disappeared into the restroom and then quickly made an u-turn past the concessionary stands for lots of freebies that he was seen consuming whole-heartedly while enjoying the movie that was being shown, in a now empty theater, not preoccupied with the "crisis" at hand one bit...

As another "not-so-luminous happy ending of sorts" approached, though, Luminous Man and Voluminous Woman thought not for a second of breaking into "reassured laughter" - the sort of which usually fades into the end credits and annoying framing music...
Instead, they thought of new novel ways to ground Voluminous Lad... Whip him up to shape (and, hopefully, into shape too...) and, maybe, one could hope against hope, make some kind of useful citizen out of him... One day, hopefully...!
...

Link
Comments:
Luciano,

You keep on putting out these great stories about the Luminous family. I love it!

The Luminous family can't go anywhere and not encounter some kind of dangerous situation that comes about.

Voluminous Lad needs to pay more attention to what is going on around him. Although that is a teenager for you. Totaly consumed with their own little world at that moment in time.

I look forward to the next episode that you post on the TLB Prime :)

God Bless You Luce (\ô/)
((Huge Hugs))
Countess
 
The Luminous Family?
I called it the Terrific Trio - but I guess they are family-like, much like the Fantastic Four... Or the Batman family (the batty family?) or Superman's extended super-entourage (which included a Superdog, Krypto, a supercat, even a superhorse!!! That was a bad omen for Christopher Reeve - but I'm digressing)

Most probably though, this luminous unit of derring-do champions is subconsciously influenced by my faves, the Aqua-family! Aquaman/Luminous Man... Mera sure is a Voluptuous Woman... And the bratty sidekick is a ballooned up version of Aqualad, whom I always loathed - since he hit his teens! No coincidence there...

Before that, when Aqualad was but a wide-eyed wondering little boy discovering the seas and human villainy in all of those who pollute them, I would have actually thought of ME, back when I was the same age, as Aqualad! But puberty came and messed him up real bad - wow, it is that effective even on FICTIONAL CHARACTERS! Imagine real people...

So, yeah - Voluminous Lad is Aqualad - played up to the hilt - annoyance to the infinite degree! He has only begun to misbehave...

Time will tell though how long I'll keep churning out this nonsense! *LOL*

Maybe we'll move it to another blog, on this TLB Network! ;)

Blessings!
 
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