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Saturday, October 28, 2006

Al Qaïda versus Canada - who would win?

Last July, on some website out there, in the vast wasteland known as cyberland, some component of the terrorist organization named after a Late Night/Late Show with David Letterman perennial staffer issued actual scary words towards the country that is known to some, half-jokingly really, as "God's Country"... Canada, eh? Yeah... (It reeks of the egos in sports entertainment: one is the Living Legend, the other is the Icon, the other is the Immortal one, the other is the Best there ever was... And so on. And, in the end, they are all fakes and bogus acts. Likewise, a bunch of nations proclaim God is in THEIR corner - and God Is, most likely, equally displeased with all of them! But I digress...)

So, Al threatened - and, slowly but so very surely, the fear is creeping up on all Canadi-ants... Or is it just the time of the year? Too many horror movies in one week? The scariest prospect of all (having to face hordes of trick-or-treaters soon) AND "o inferno do iverno" (another hellacious winter) BACK-TO-BACK... Whatever it is, peeps across the 49th parallel are sullying their panties and demanding that the U.S. government subsidiary (a.k.a. the Canadian government) pull out the local troops from "terre étrangère" (what little there is in Canada in terms of troops, military force, army, navy, marines, S.E.A.L.S. or anything of the kind... I mean, S.W.A.T teams there work only a few months a year - the summer months - and that is when they go after those criminal bar flies, carriers of the west nile virus among other viruses... But that is another, rather absurd story, yes...)

Hence, Al is taken seriously up in the "(not-so)Great White North", eh... On this Saturday, from coast-to-coast, Canada's major cities (in their own minds they are, anyway...) were the stage for meek demonstrations, weak "manifs" a.k.a. manifestations a.k.a. protests against the Canadian presence in Afghanistan... After all, Al clearly stated it in his threat to snow and "slotch" (which is the strange and all-together revolting mixture of snow, sleet, melted ice and, mostly, automotive vehicles' assorted wastes that plagues every last street north of that 49th parallel from November to March of every single year since about 1910...) that Al Qaïda has a tooth against Canada ONLY UNTIL the Canadian troops are pulled from Afghan country... Like a terrorist's word has much intrinsic value too, though... However, being a cowardly country in quite a lot of ways, Canada must think they will be "ok" if they pull out - that doing so will also take their name out of the "hit list" that Al has put together... Al's greatest hits so far are, of course, 9/11 (NYC, 2001) - 3/11 (Mad-rid, 2004) - and 7/7 (London, 2005)... Townships such as Toronto, Calgary, ED-monton or -eek- Montreal would look odd and downright out of place next to those three international glitzy spots (that said even though I think very poorly of the Spanish capital...)
Hmm... AL hitting on ED would be something I could see happening though... IN Mad-rid that is... But I digress...

To my amazement though, I received an invite to protest myself... A way-too-tardy one for it to have any merit whatsoever though, but still... It went like this...

Bonjour à tous les membres et sympathisants-tes de Québec Solidaire / Saint-Henri-Sainte-Anne.
Je vous fais parvenir en pièce jointe le tract que nous venons tout juste d'éditer à Québec Solidaire / Montréal. Comme vous le savez sans doute, il y aura une large manifestation organisée demain midi.
Venez rejoindre le groupe de Québec Solidaire sous sa bannière à 12h30 à l'angle des rues Peel et René-Lévesque et faisons en sorte que notre message soit entendu haut et fort ! Merci de diffuser largement à vos listes courriels.

" Tous et toutes ensembles et solidaires contre la guerre en Afghanistan ! "

Hmm... First of all, I am not in your town, solidary ones... I am not going to cross imaginary boundaries and leave my relatively quiet (emphasis on the relative aspect of that) and practically non-polluted (practically means close - but no cigar. Lots of cigarettes and CO2 though - arrrrghhh) city to wind up on the foul streets where you thread all the time, for a lost-in-advance cause to boot...
Secondly, I am not that solidary of your *usual* cause either...
Thirdly, a less-than 24 hour prior notice is downright rude...
And lastly, with the lousy weather, only nutcases will bother with these pointless exercises! The best tactic, as far as I am concerned, remains OCCUPATION - go into the so-called "high-ranked officials' offices" (the only thing high about them is their brow...) and take up residence there! In a non-violent way, it goes without saying... Be a nuisance! THEN they will start paying attention for real! Besides, this way you do protest, you do make some noise, you have a far greater chance of being heard AND you're doing it indoors too! Gluttons for self-torture that you are to do it out on the streets, like sharply-dressed, well-groomed beggars de luxe...
Oh - and my prognostics for this "menace"...
Al - in 7.

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