Forget About That Corny Corner-Ribbon's Drivel! The Real Secret is HERE Indeed - not over there!

Monday, November 13, 2006

Monday Madness!!!

Actual Product Warnings found on everyday items you can purchase just about anywhere:

* "Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish." -- On a bottle of shampoo for dogs.

* "For external use only!" -- On a curling iron.

* "Warning: This product can burn eyes." -- On a curling iron.

* "Do not use in shower." -- On a hair dryer.

* "Do not use while sleeping." -- On a hair dryer.

* "Do not use while sleeping or unconscious." -- On a hand-held massaging device.

* "Do not place this product into any electronic equipment." -- On the case of a chocolate CD in a gift basket.

* "Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking." -- On a toilet at a public sports facility in Ann Arbor, Michigan.

* "Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover." -- On a pair of shin guards made for bicyclists.

* "This product not intended for use as a dental drill." -- On an electric rotary tool.

* "Caution: Do not spray in eyes." -- On a container of underarm deodorant.

* "Do not drive with sunshield in place." -- On a cardboard sunshield that keeps the sun off the dashboard.

* "Caution: This is not a safety protective device." -- On a plastic toy helmet used as a container for popcorn.

* "Do not use near fire, flame, or sparks." -- On an "Aim-n-Flame" fireplace lighter.

* "Battery may explore or leak." -- On a battery. See a scanned image.

* "Do not eat toner." -- On a toner cartridge for a laser printer.

* "Not intended for highway use." -- On a 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow.

* "This product is not to be used in bathrooms." -- On a Holmes bathroom heater.

* "May irritate eyes." -- On a can of self-defense pepper spray.

* "Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth." -- On a novelty rock garden set called "Popcorn Rock."

* "Caution! Contents hot!" -- On a Domino's Pizza box.

* "Caution: Hot beverages are hot!" -- On a coffee cup.

* "Warning: May contain small parts." -- On a frisbee.

* "Do not use orally." -- On a toilet bowl cleaning brush.

* "Please keep out of children." -- On a butcher knife.

* "Not suitable for children aged 36 months or less." -- On a birthday card for a 1 year old.

* "Do not recharge, put in backwards, or use." -- On a battery.

* "Warning: Do not use on eyes." -- In the manual for a heated seat cushion.

* "Do not look into laser with remaining eye." -- On a laser pointer.

* "Do not use for drying pets." -- In the manual for a microwave oven.

* "For use on animals only." -- On an electric cattle prod.

* "For use by trained personnel only." -- On a can of air freshener.

* "Keep out of reach of children and teenagers." -- On a can of air freshener.

* "Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you." -- On a motorcycle helmet-mounted rear-view mirror.

* "Warning: Riders of personal watercraft may suffer injury due to the forceful injection of water into body cavities either by falling into the water or while mounting the craft." -- In the manual for a jetski.

* "Warning: Do not climb inside this bag and zip it up. Doing so will cause injury and death." -- A label inside a protective bag (for fragile objects), which measures 15cm by 15cm by 12cm.

* "Do not use as ear plugs." -- On a package of silly putty.

Now, my luminous two cents worth here...
Isn't it just too bad PLANET EARTH, our bodies and brains and, most importantly, SOULS did not ALSO come with warning labels...?
Just imagine the thickness of the instruction manuals that would be coming with THOSE "purchases"...
Alas, it is customers that are thick...
And yet - the customers are always right!
Cardinal rule number one of being in business - right Benny? ;)

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