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Thursday, January 11, 2007

thursday thunder - redux

While in Australia the forces of law, order & justice seized a record stash of ecstasy and other "baddies" (as opposed to "goodies" - get it?) - in Baltimore these days, it is getting to be quite pathetic... I will blog about that again soon - but I had to have a little fun first (hey - scribes have original ways to seek for fun; creative ways; productive ways; heck, they are quite simply additional venues for us to put on display our sardonic wit! Okay?) and so I just had to try and forget my woes and have fun with this newsflash: Baltimore police released a DVD in 2005 called "Keep Talking." The DVD, which was distributed around the city, was designed to counter a DVD made by drug dealers titled "Stop Snitching." The latter street video was made to discourage residents from talking to police (!).

Wow - wow - wow.
Drug dealers are so filthy rich that they are making DVDs now?
What else can they afford to finance in the wondrous world of media and art, I wonder?


For starters, let us just imagine, here and now, the creative process behind THAT little gem titled "Stop Snitching" - shall we?
The casting alone must have been a most fascinating thing to behold...
I guess it was all the drug lords' girlfriends and grilfriends' girlfriends (oh - what a typo I just made - so good, I left it in there! "Grillfriends" they are, I guess!) and never was such an assemblage of classless hoes ever seen before... Unless it is for any of the videos shot by either Aguilera, Spears, Onna or that Brooke chick...
Next: the non-speaking parts! One needs some "background dwellers" in these sort of things, you know what I mean? People from the streets, for realism's sake! Those who hooked on the stuff; hookers; those who are selling the stuff; more hookers; those who want in on this stuff; and did I mention hookers already? "I guess I should speak of "walkers" instead - street lingo, which obfuscates things to the utmost, is such a wonderful thing - is it not? As if streetwise punks and punkettes actually want their street talk to be rated PG-13...
But I digress!
I am a scribe - so I can imagine they wrote some sketchy sort of "plot" for this thing - hmm? At least that? Maybe not... Some dialogue must have been "written" or merely suggested to the main protagonists - most probably by the director of this wasteful production! Lines such as "don't snitch - you #itch!" are a must in this kind of thing - after all, the "message" is all that counts here... And the message must get through to the audience! At all costs! Maybe other lines to make that clear could be the following I just thought of...
Snitching will not be tolerated - you snitch, you lose! You sneeze, you lose! You do both - we bruise and abuse you! Any questions?
Cops give you donuts... We mean, peanuts! Yeah... And we offer you free samples from all of our wonderful products and all derivatives thereof! You get into the habit, it'll cost you... But it sure will feel much better, when you're high, than it will feel when you're hanging with the pigs! So, which is best - eh?

And what if we offer you something for your silence, eh? Sure beats the hell out of suffering, beatings, amputing and bleedings for snitching - don't you agree, pal?
I imagine the message gatting through loud and clear there... Monster hit, I'm sure...
Expect a sequel: "Stop Snitching II: The Bewitching!"
I wonder, though, who else will be concocting specially-themed DVDs, now that the druggies have broken the barrier between creativity in video productions and outright visceral threats to one and all, merging the two in such a symbiotic way...!

Loan sharks? Working title for their DVD: "Pay Back - NOW - You do owe me like that!" (Aye, tis loosely based on Ludacris' Get Back song... Sing it to the tune of it now! ;)

Spin doctors? Working title: "Believe In What We Say - Not In What We Do!"

Legal crooks? Working title: "This is a legal scam - we are your only recourse if you want to be supplied with the documents officially recognized by our equally-crooked government... Under these terms, you must accept our excessive fees and pay them, with interest, upon reception of our billing - or we'll sue. At your service..." (A bit long - but they always talk too much, so...)

I could go on - but this is enough satire to keep anyone in stitches already, I do believe...
Hmm - careful where you wind up, if stitches is the operative word though... Crooked and wicked ones are plentiful in those areas as well, as we all know...

Ahh - yes, this sort of exercise is good for the ol' bereaved brain, I tell ya!
See you for a new installment of TLB Prime Lyrical Sounds... next!
(I never referred to it as such before? Well, I just did now! Tis my prerogative, verily! Live with it! Or... go blog yourself! Hmm... That sounded... interesting! *LOL* ;)

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