Friday, December 28, 2007
A new year is about to begin for everyone in the western world and associated lands and cultures...
But for me that is not the most important countdown - not by a long shot.
Once 2008 is officially rung in, I'll be counting down to another 28th... and another... and another one still...
Not with trepidation, not with joy - at all.
Quite on the contrary, it will be with gloominess. And disbelief. Disbelief that it has happened, to begin with. Disbelief that it will have been two years ago, already.
As I find myself nearly two years removed from the sad but unavoidable event, I just had to update the original post made here last year in regards to my father and the 28th of the month.
(Slight changes, only - a new music playlist for the music had ceased to function as it was, once again... Thus, you may skip checking it out, especially if you've seen it all before.)
Each 28th that goes by should be putting some more distance between the sad event and the present - thus alleviating the pain. Somehow, it is not what is happening here. In fact, this ongoing process feels more like the prisoner who notches one more knife-carved mark upon his jail cell's wall to commemorate another step made - hopefully forward.
As we inch ever closer to a second anniversary of said sad event, I remain the prisoner, alas. The prisoner of my bereavement.
A prisoner, also, of resentment and regret - regretting as I do that I didn't act or react faster... Even if it would have changed absolutely nothing of the outcome.
Since March 28th 2006, I've dotted some "i"s...
I've settled some scores...
I've made certain things crystal clear.
Other things remain obfuscated.
None of that really matters, ultimately.
Things remain the same, sensibly.
Only noted difference now: there's less hypocrisy around...
People know where they stand now.
Thanks to me.
And me, here and now...
And Maria Adelina Caldeira Pimentel...
We remain grieving.
The least some of you out there could do
is show sympathy.
Especially if you're a kin of any kind.